Yeah, something like this can only be shared down below!

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I am not a poet.

Yet for some reason, I still try to write poetry from time to time. Same with song lyrics, even though I’m in no way a musician. I figure, as long as it all stays on my computer, it’s not hurting anyone, so what’s the harm… right?

But then something like this happens:

A reprint edition of a book needed a few more pages to hit a stupid mandatory minimum page count.

NOT the publisher’s request or demand, they certainly don’t care, but one of the major venues for eBook advertising has a minimum page count requirement to consider something a “real book” — and even with some creative design tweaks we were still four pages short of hitting that number.

What are you gonna do, right?

We have to be able to advertise the book via this outlet, so I added a “Secret Bonus Poetry Section” at the back of the book, which includes the “lost gem” you can read below, which was jotted down in 2009 and has never seen the light of the day because it’s absolutely nuts and makes not one lick of sense.

This sort of thing should NOT be unleashed on the general public. It’s just not fair to readers who took the time to learn to read!

And yet, here I am, about to subject all of you to it. Might I suggest you just close the browser window now and forget all about this post?

You really aren’t missing anything!

Still here…?

Are you sure…?

Okay…

I mean, you’re only hurting yourself here…

If you’re sure…

In that case…

Without further ado, I present…

________________________________________

“PETA Can Save Your Marriage”

They say
the average house pet
will live longer
than the
average
American marriage;
so clearly the
key to a
long and successful partnership
is to let
PETA
euthanize
your cats and dogs
today
before time runs out!
________________________________________

If the look on your face matches the look on the dog’s face at the top of this post, congratulations… we’re all making the same face right now. 🙂

Thank you, as always, for all of your support!

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As you might remember, I decided to add a Lettered Edition for Patreon Stories: Volume One, and today I’d like to show you the first photos:

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I have some top secret Lettered Edition news to share:

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Now that The Zombie Who Cried Human hardcover editions have been sent to the printer, I wanted to share a secret with my supporters on Patreon:

Although it won’t be offered for sale until it’s ready to ship, there is also a SECRET signed & traycased Lettered Edition of the book in production!

In addition to a beautiful binding and matching traycase, this small run of 26 copies will also feature a full page of ORIGINAL Glenn Chadbourne artwork tipped into the front of each book, making each copy unique. (See photo below for a few samples!)

I’m not sure of the retail price yet, but I’ll post the link here whenever this edition is added to the Cemetery Dance Publications website for preorder in 2019. (Reminder: Supporters on Level Seven and above at the time of publication will not need to order one since you will automatically be shipped one of my copies!)

Thank you again to everyone for all of your support!

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On the schedule for 2019 are new trade paperback and eBook editions for FOUR titles that were previously only published as Limited Editions, and I thought you might like to be the first to see the covers for these new editions! These are subject to change, so please do not share anywhere until I announce them publicly. 🙂

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As you might remember, I’ve switched gears to stand-alone short stories for the chapbooks for now since the serialized novel concept wasn’t gelling for me. (Reminder: these chapbooks ship to anyone on rewards Levels 2 and above!) Today, I’d like to show you the first illustration from Glenn Chadbourne for the next chapbook:

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When a book’s dust jacket is placed on the book at the printer, there is a nifty machine that handles the process, including the most important part: getting the folds in just the right place with just the right amount of pressure to create the proper crease. Too hard of a crease and the DJ will be too tight around the spine. Too light of a crease and the DJ will be very loose and “flowy” around the book, possibly so much the DJ just kind of falls off when the book is handled.

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When you have to DJ a book manually, you’re starting with a stack of flat, unfolded DJs (see photo above), which means you need to be that machine. And, even after 16 years at Cemetery Dance Publications, this is a skill I just cannot learn for some reason! I can’t get the folds right. The DJs end up too loose because I’m afraid of creasing them too much.

Luckily, my wife ran the CD warehouse for 10 years while also designing hundreds of our books, promotional materials, and the magazine… so instead of my supporters on Levels 5, 6, and 7 getting Patreon Storieshardcover books with DJs that just fall off, instead you’ll be receiving properly DJed books thanks to her efforts!

Here are a few photos of the process:

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For those who are curious, here are my current publication plans for 2019 and beyond, assuming all of the pieces fall into place. Some of these are outside my control, of course, but right now I’m hoping we’ll see most of these next year:

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The Echo of Memory — a novel (and I have some big news to share with you about it very soon!)
The Zombie Who Cried Human — hardcover editions are finally headed to the printer this month, so it should be out by spring
Weak and Wounded — expanded trade paperback and eBook editions
More Than Midnight — expanded trade paperback and eBook editions
Dreamlike States — expanded trade paperback and eBook editions
Lost and Lonely — expanded trade paperback and eBook editions
Killer Crimes — an anthology co-edited with Richard Chizmar
Halloween Carnival — the omnibus Limited Edition hardcover (600+ pages!)
Dark Screams: Volume One Omnibus — Limited Edition hardcover, co-edited with Richard Chizmar
* Plus several more foreign editions, but I’m not sure the exact plans for those yet.

Dates unknown but already in the works, so hopefully 2020 or 2021:
Reading Stephen King — trade paperback and eBook editions
Detours — trade paperback and eBook editions
Walking With Ghosts — low print run “heavily illustrated” US Limited Edition hardcover
Walking With Ghosts — trade paperback and eBook edition
Untitled Anthology — an anthology of circus and carnival stories with an amazing line-up
The Suicide Diary — a novel
The Slow Zombie and the Fast Zombie — a new children’s book illustrated by Glenn Chadbourne
Blue November Storms — an Omnibus Edition with never before published material including the original unpublished novelette and artwork from an abandoned graphic novel adaptation

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I probably shouldn’t be sharing this because it’s a 2020 book, but I wanted to show you something because this is yet another project that is finally happening because I had the time to work on it thanks to your support! But this is also completely unannounced, no publishing deals are in place yet, etc, so please don’t mention or share this anywhere:

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The Girl Who Builds Monsters is a traditional children’s book with a bit of a twist. I wrote the text and Vincent Chong is painting a ton of artwork for the book.

He started on sketches earlier this year, and will probably be painting for a full year to get all of the final artwork completed.

So, there’s no publication deal in place yet, but I am extremely excited about this project for a variety of reasons. I think the story has a great theme and lesson for kids of all ages and, of course, 30+ full color pages of Vincent Chong artwork will be gorgeous to look at!

I’ll try to share some of the finished color artwork next year as it arrives, but for now, mum’s the word. 🙂

Thank you all again for your support!

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As I mentioned here last month, I’ve finally made the time to a very cool themed horror anthology, which has been a dream of mine for many years now, and today I want to show you the cover artwork:

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Here is the cover artwork from Vincent Chong for the Limited Edition of MIDNIGHT UNDER THE BIG TOP, which will be published in late 2019 or early 2020. Everything in the art was inspired the stories in the book. A scanned image at reduced resolution doesn’t really give you the full experience of this artwork, either — just wait until you see it on a 7 X 10 hardcover book!

For those who missed last month’s post, I already have stories on hand from Stephen King, Joe Hill, Ray Bradbury, Richard Matheson, Neil Gaiman, Kelley Armstrong, Robert McCammon, Tananarive Due, Michael Koryta, and several others.

That said, stories are still being written, contracts are being signed, and there’s a lot more work to do… so please don’t share this anywhere yet. 🙂

Best,
Brian

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